Relationship Advice from friends is free, but free advice can cost you the chance to grow your relationship skills
If your advice giving friends can’t see when you refuse to own any part of a problem, then you may be asking the wrong people. If you see your partner as a person you need to fix …that sort of relationship jumpstart rarely works. In a partnership each person needs to take responsibility for their share in the ecstasy and the hurt. One person is never entirely to blame, except in the case of abusive behaviour. If your friends are not supporting you to make requests in language that your partner can hear, so that your needs are met then you’d be better off with a coach who want to support you to grow by giving you honest, actionable feedback. It’s easy to get friends to tell you its your partner’s fault and you should just leave. People are happy to coddle your ego and make you feel good by supporting you to stay in blame mode. No one gets to duck the work of creating boundaries, and maintaining connection and repairing after a conflict. As long as you are with someone who’s prepared to do the work, you’re good.
If you are the partner who gets scared or shuts down, to guard your heart from a request for connection, you can tell your partner you long for connection but could they just slooow right down to a bearable pace. You can practice self-awareness. You can learn to make requests that don’t leave your loved one feeling hurt, not heard and fearing that they will never be able to have their needs met.
I’m Insecure and I Write
I started writing in 2014. I’d always written but like many writers I didn’t show my work to anyone. It seemed private. Also, I am insecure, so “why would anyone be interested in what I wrote.”
I have published work in quite a few places now.
Writing is stripping off layer after layer in a way that engages others. That still terrifies me. I still worry about what to reveal and what to keep private.
I’m still insecure.
I met other writers. They support me, I support them. They are my favourite people.
I submit work. It gets rejected. A lot of my work doesn’t find a home. It hurts a bit. I move on. I am really great at getting rejected now.